Change

Change happens, some of it so naturally that I hardly notice it, some of it with much struggle.  Hours can blur into days, days into weeks, in such a fashion that a year can appear to go by without truly recognizing the passage of 365 days.  Making note of today, doing whatever is done in this measure of twenty four hours with awareness and mindfulness was not on my radar years ago in the way that it is now; then, it meant something quite different to me, as I did not have the ability then to see things as I see them now.


I have had changing expectations in recent years.  Over time, life's experiences have shaped me in ways that I don't always recognize immediately; thoughts and ideas that were once relevant might now be mind clutter as I continue to define (and refine) my outlook, in particular by looking inward. 

This blog of progress notes is not meant to be read to see growth or development but rather more like a guidepost to recognize in the entries the passage of time which often eludes me.  "Raptruth" has multi-layered meaning in word play for me, and I simply adore playing with words and language.  

• RAP, being my initials
• Ruth, being my first name
• rap truth: speaking my truth
• rapt ruth: completely absorbed, emotionally transported and spiritually filled with awe and wonder

In these posts are snippets of my daily life and thoughts.  They are not meant to be profound or entertaining or anything other than what they are: an observation of what I do with some of my time and, from time to time, a bit of commentary about what is going on in my mind and in my life.


I woke up early this morning, shivering and shaking as though I was asleep on a cold concrete slab and would never again warm up.  My son Troy helped take care of me.  With an extra comforter, heat turned up, and a bit more sleep, I did wake again later feeling just fine although  I have been feeling quite drained all day long.


Morning pages did not come easily for me today.  I had much trouble focusing on them, feeling rather spacey, which may have had to do with how my morning began.  I did recognize, as I brought myself back to the pen in my hand, that the words I wrote held some insights for me.  I did not receive Course Lesson 2 via email today, however I did the lesson by locating the page of insights on the website; did my other daily readings also.  Spent some time today listening to audio of Byron Katie and Wayne W. Dyer, also spent time reading from a couple of his books.  Went for a walk with Troy today and bumped into Jim while we were stopped to get a hot drink at the mall.  Later, Troy and I read a chapter from the novel we are currently reading together, Witch & Wizard.  We also played the game of Best Seller that had been a Christmas gift from Cathy, and had a few laughs playing the game, which ended in a tie; the tie-breaker resulted in a tie too, so we will attempt another tie-breaker tomorrow.  

Being blessed, as I am, I have so much to be grateful for and sometimes the obvious is too obvious yet needs to be said, lest it be overlooked.  I do try to show my appreciation directly to those people that are a part of my life, in little ways, at various random times.  Which is not to say that people and things have escaped my notice though I may not have taken the opportunity to express it at the time that they made my heart lighter.

Today, I am grateful to simply be.